I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
