wanna go halves on a baby?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Sober January is a disaster.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
