I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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