You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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