i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
