I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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