If i come over, it means nothing
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
