The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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