Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
