Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize