i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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