is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
It's shark week go big or go home
I am naked and annoyed.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
