i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
is that a dick in a sweater?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
