In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
