by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
If I die, sorry about rent.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
