we're chasing vodka with high fives
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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