he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
my shit smells like andre
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
