Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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