Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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