Those balls look pretty dangerous.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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