that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
