I think I won the penis lottery.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
My bed smells like the plague
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
