is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
