This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
