Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
