Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
