There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
