she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
