like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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