He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
