What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
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