I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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