the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
