i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
