Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
