Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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