Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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