There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
