I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
