You can't special order awesome
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
