420 ftw
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
