I wannas sexs uuuuu
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
