I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
