i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
