no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
