I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
