kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
