the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
