i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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