who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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