It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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