drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
