So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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