Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
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I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
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I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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