Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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