Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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