Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
