I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
too bad you live with your parents still
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
