Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
