Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
you had me at cake vodka
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
