forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Randomize
