you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
