She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
