I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
