Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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