he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
