i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
There's always time for handjobs
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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